A few days ago, I tried meditating for the first time.  How hard could it be, right?  You sit there with your mind completely blank and ignore all distractions.  I did that for about seven hours a day when I was still in high school.

Apparently I’ve lost my touch.

Actually, I’d picked up some tips from a few websites before I started:  You can put on some music when you meditate.  They didn’t specify what kind of music, so I figured Megadeth was as good as anything.  Rock on.

The next tip I found was more general.  Stay as still as possible and relax.  When your mind wanders, bring it back to the present moment and focus on your current feelings.

Example:  The anxiety I’m experiencing right now is just a feeling.

The sadness I’m dealing with is just a feeling.

The itch on my nose is just a feeling.

And so I sat.  And sat.  And sat.

You may become bored during meditation, so limit yourself to five or ten minutes for your first session.

Or three minutes.  You know, whatever works.

Breathe deeply and allow your thoughts to become quiet.  In some cases, meditation may lead to discoveries about the self or the world.

So did you guys know that it’s actually possible to choke on air?  I had no idea.  However, I suppose that can be considered a ‘discovery about the self.’

When your time is up, open your eyes slowly and draw one last breath.

Note that this only works if you remembered to actually set a timer in the first place.  On my second try, I did.  And I drew one last breath, like I was supposed to.  Well, technically it was a gasp, since the timer started blaring when I didn’t expect it.  But I still did it.

So overall?  Meditation’s okay.  But here’s a tip of my own:  Don’t mention it to anyone if your mind starts wandering.  That’s just begging for the ‘it never came back’ gags.