Today, my dad made the mistake of calling the cat ‘overweight and lethargic.’

The cat heard him.

It’s a war zone in here.

The cat has been doing everything possible to prove him wrong since about 5:00 PM.  It doesn’t matter that my dad went to bed an hour ago, the cat is now determined to make as much noise as he can so that he will wake up my dad and continue providing… evidence.

What evidence, you ask?  Well…

  • “Hey!  I’m not overweight!  Could an overweight cat charge the length of the banister without falling off?” *scrabble-thud*
  • “Me lethargic?  Excuse me while I tear down the hall, slide through the rug, and crash headfirst into the closet door.”
  • “You think I’m getting flabby?  I have poise!  I have grace!  I can make it onto the two-inch-wide window ledge without falling to the stairs below… so far below…”

Add to that the attempts to gain traction on a wooden floor… I’m sitting in the living room and I hear him racing through the kitchen.  I look up, and there’s this black blur skidding by, limbs flailing, claws out, half-falling over.  After a quick run/fall down the stairs and a grand total of two minutes spent doing who-knows-what down there, he’s back.

And he’s yowling.

Dear God, the yowling.  I’m surprised he can make a noise like that, given that his typical meow sounds something like a quiet “mmm?”

See, in his case, the yowl is usually reserved for emergencies only.  The yowl can mean any of the following things:

  • “Check it out!  A lizard came through the fireplace grate again!  Come watch me eat it alive!”
  • “Oh my God, I’m going hypoglycemic and I’m about to have another seizure!”
  • “I ate something from under the bed, and I don’t know what it was.  If you show up in the next three seconds, we can find out together!”

However, in this case, it apparently meant:

  • “WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!  I’m crazy, clueless, and having a PAR-TAY!”

Of course, fifteen minutes later, he’s conked out in his cat tree.  Well, most of him is conked out.  His tail still whips around in his sleep.  I guess if humans have REM, cats have RTM.*

Nite, crazy cat.

*RTM:  Rapid Tail Movement.